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One woman shared appalling stories of her ‘Chopper’ boyfriend’s behaviour towards her but the fact that he could be very charming, sweet, and apologetic and that it felt like the time of her life when he wasn’t gaslighting, namecalling, cheating, and giving her a few slaps, kept her hopes alive that one day he’d be motivated to cease what he was doing.
Here’s the thing though: When you’re in a healthy relationship, your partner being sweet, kind, caring, taking you places, apologising when they’ve erred and basically being in your life is a good thing, but when a person takes advantage of or even abuses you, that ‘sweetness’, remorse and time spent with you comes from a different place and has a very high price.
While I did spend most of my life feeling wounded by my father’s absence and the sporadic periods or even moments spent with him, what I mostly remembered was how I felt around him and the happy times, which of course there were some but I’d admittedly romanticised the hell out of them.
They can’t dispose of their past, their fears, motivations, beliefs, habits and whatever else just to give us the selected highlights.They represent potential and seeing the person as a whole represents disappointment.